


Time Running Elsewhere

by ununoriginal



Series: LDD!verse [2]
Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, One of My Favorites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-14
Updated: 2008-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununoriginal/pseuds/ununoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If we had world enough, and time. Ryo/Shige.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Running Elsewhere

_This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and_ from _which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are_ now _, and those other times are running elsewhere._  
\---- **A.S. Byatt, _Possession_**  
  
*  
  
Ryo's sitting at the edge of the rooftop, legs dangling out between the railings, smoking and looking at the chipped traces of nail polish on his fingers.  The panorama of downtown Tokyo is spread out before him, the sharp angles of grey concrete boxing people in.  In the distance, the sharp spire of Tokyo Tower pierces the pale blue of the late summer sky.  
  
He taps the burning end of his cigarette and watches the ash fall from in between his fingertips, strangely mesmerised by how it looks the exact same shade as his nails right now.  His hand trembles slightly, and more of the grey substance drifts away with the wind.  
  
He looks directly down past his legs, at the backlot of the jimusho building, where the trickle of people flows in and out of the entrances.  The juniors scampering off after their gruelling dance practices, the vans ferrying those who might have had location filming done, the regular office staff heading out after a day's work.  Intent on their own little universes, not a single one of them will raise their head and see him.  He's as enwrapped in his isolation as he's ever been.  
  
*  
  
The stairway echoes with Shige's fading footsteps.  Ryo remains in the shadows of the stairwell, the feeling of Shige's warm fingers still tingling at the nape of his neck.  The cement floor in front of him is empty, devoid of the onigiri wrappers littering it minutes ago.  Ryo can still see Shige crouching there, picking up each piece of plastic in sharp, jerky movements and stuffing them into the carrier bag, brows knit in frustration as he says _why can't you just give me some more time?  Why can't you understand that I'm not ready yet?_  
  
And then he's gone, leaving nothing but his footfalls and the slam of the fire door resounding in the silence left behind.    
  
Ryo sees Shige grinning and lifting his camera under the Okinawan sun.  Shige's gesturing animatedly, pointing at something before bringing the camera towards himself and adjusting the lens.  
  
Then Shige is looking up and he's back in the stairwell, forcing a laugh awkwardly and saying _with you?  But it would be so strange – if it was with Tegoshi or Massu, it would still make sense.  Everyone knows I don't really get along with you.  How would I explain it to--_   And Shige is tense as he draws away from Ryo, pushing off the step where he was sitting with his arm around Ryo's shoulders.  
  
Ryo leans against the wall and watches Shige gather up the carrier bag that had contained their impromptu lunch as he thinks _have I not given you enough time, Shige? When are you going to spare me some of yours?_  
  
*  
  
Sometimes Ryo wonders if it might have turned out better if he'd taken a left and headed for the exit that night instead of heading the opposite direction back into their dressing room, where Shige and Koyama still were.  Even though Ryo had heard from Pi, who had gotten it from Jin after the latter had a gossip session with Nakamaru, that Koyama and Shige were no longer a couple, he still couldn't see any differences in their behaviour.  They still came in together in the mornings, Koyama still brought both their breakfasts and extra bottled water for Shige during their breaks.  They still practically did lunch and dinner every day, except on particular days like these.  
  
Koyama had rushed off to his grandmother's for dinner, and Ryo had been left with Shige to exchange snarky banter.  Shige was different now, after the suspension, and even though he refused to ever say it out loud, Ryo appreciated this new Shige, who didn't back down easily and gave as good as he got, law training or whatever loosening his tongue to let the sharp barbs fly.  
  
They'd circled each other, getting closer and closer with each retort – Shige's face with his big round eyes flashing filled Ryo's vision – and it occurred to Ryo then that he found Shige rather beautiful.  The words left his mouth and Shige was thrown for a few moments, blushing in consternation, and before he knew what he was doing, Ryo was kissing Shige.  
  
One kiss had merged into another, then another, and before long, they were pulling each other's clothes off, sinking onto the couch, skin against skin.  They'd sat close together for a long while after, until Shige got up and dressed and collected his things.  _No one has to know,_ Shige said, almost apologetically, as he disappeared through the doorway, and Ryo nodded mutely, when in actual fact, he was still reeling from the fact that he'd had one of the most intense experiences in his life, and of all people, it was with Kato Shigeaki.  
  
*  
  
No one knows that they did it again exactly one week later on the same couch, and then an hour after that in Ryo's car in some back alley, the force of their need making Ryo turn off the highway two exits earlier into a quiet, unfamiliar neighbourhood.  No one knows that one week became four days, then every two, until they are fucking each other daily in Ryo's apartment and Ryo begins to ache from missing Shige when he's away and Tokyo, not Osaka, is feeling more and more like home.  
  
*  
  
Ryo exits the convenience store after paying for their pre-packed bentos to see Shige staring up at the rain pouring down.  A sudden gust of wind splatters them with drizzle and Shige's eyelashes flutter, the tip of his tongue peeking out momentarily to swipe the droplets off his lips which are upturned in a slight smile and Ryo is suddenly filled with a huge, soul-deep yearning, a yearning that goes beyond just mere desire for Shige's body.  
  
He wants Shige like this, here next to him under the awning, their world bounded in by the lines of rain.  He wants the next chapter of their lazy, summery afternoon where there is laughter and sex and companionship.  He wants to grab Shige's hand and drag him dashing back to his apartment where they will lounge amongst the large cushions in front of the television, drunk and sticky on champagne and more.  
  
 _Are you really holding my hand?_   Shige jerks and shifts a little uneasily when Ryo's fingers close over his own.  He tries to tug away but Ryo squeezes harder, and after a while, Shige settles and tightens his hand over Ryo's in answer.  They stand next to each other looking up at the dull redness of the storm clouds and Shige says _I think we should go in and buy an umbrella._   Ryo doesn't respond, but merely pulls Shige, semi-protesting, out into the wet, chilly night.  
  
*  
  
 _Why don't you ever stay?_  
  
Shige pauses in pulling on his pants, startled by Ryo's unexpected question.  Something flickers in his eyes as he gazes back at Ryo.  _Are you asking me to?_  
  
*  
  
 _You haven't told Koyama yet._   They're entwined on Ryo's bed, one of Ryo's legs in between Shige's and Shige's chin on top of Ryo's head.  Ryo's arms are possessively wrapped around Shige's waist and he feels the tension rise in the muscles at his question-statement.  
  
Shige's fingers stop playing with his hair.  _I-- I just haven't found the right time yet.  It has to be done so that he isn't hurt.  It was so painful for him when we ended, and he's done so much for me, he's still my friend through all of this, I... I just can't, not yet.  Ryo, give me some time to tell him in the best way._  
  
Ryo can feel Shige holding his breath, as if bracing himself for the worst, and he murmurs his agreement just so Shige relaxes.  Shige clutches Ryo's hand as he drifts off to sleep.  Ryo stays awake, stroking gentle fingers over the soft skin of Shige's hips.  
  
*  
  
Ryo waits for Shige.  
  
He waits as Shige goes out for dinner with Koyama as always, as they go out on shopping expeditions together, as they goof around during photoshoots and dance practice.  He waits as they plan a trip to Kyoto, and then another to Okinawa, as Shige aims his camera at Koyama and they laugh and joke over Koyama's silly expressions.  
  
Ryo waits, always watching from the sidelines as Shige keeps up the old married-couple act with Koyama.  He waits, because he's promised Shige time, time enough to settle things so they can get on with the beginning of the rest of their lives.  
  
Some days, Ryo feels like his life has been made up of nothing but waiting.  
  
*  
  
Ryo stares at a point beyond his drinks glass, blank smile fixed on his face, as Koyama and Shige tell the hosts of Heyx3 about Shige's failure at surfing during their latest getaway to Hawaii.  Matsumoto laughs uproariously while Hamada randomly pokes fun at Tegoshi and Ryo stiffens slightly as Pi nudges him in the side.  
  
 _You're kinda glaring, Ryo-chan_.  Ryo pastes on a toothy grin that has Pi blinking at its brilliance and tries, with effort, to tear his mind away from the black morass of depression it keeps threatening to sink into.  
  
It's been months, and still no one knows.  
  
No one knows that on the days that he can, Ryo will drive down to Shige's campus so he can hijack Shige off for lunch, that he'd dared Shige to kiss him right there in the parking lot that very first time, and Shige, hesitant and grumbling, had leaned over nonetheless.  
  
No one knows that Shige comes to the shinkansen station to meet Ryo when he gets back from Osaka, and they stride, side by side but not touching, hurriedly down the streets to Ryo's apartment, hands shoved in their pockets to keep from reaching out.  
  
No one knows about the late-night phone calls that sustains Ryo when he's away from Tokyo; or the cigarette breaks on the rooftop, where they forgo cigarettes to satisfy another craving far stronger than anything nicotine could fulfill.  No one realises that Ryo now knows more than anyone else about Shige's opinions and feelings about management, the industry, his education and his classmates; that Ryo's held Shige and kissed away Shige's rage and tears when the demands of school and work combined proved to be too much.  No one can see how, when Ryo breaks down in turn, Shige is the one who holds him and gives him solace and saves him from their madly spinning world.  
  
After Heyx3 filming is done, Shige agrees to go out for supper with Koyama, shooting Ryo an apologetic look, before heading off with his best friend.  Ryo watches them go and thinks _they didn't really go to Hawaii_.  He discovers that he's said it out loud when Pi hmm's in agreement.  _It's all part of the performance, ne, Ryo-chan.  We've got to give them a good show._  
  
 _Nobody wants to know the truth, do they?_ Suddenly Ryo doesn't feel like going anywhere.  It's become one of those days where he just wants to sit there, perfectly still, while the universe slowly crumbles around him.  Pi gives Ryo's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and prods him to his feet.  _Nope, you know that better than any one of us._  
  
Ryo stares doubtfully at Yamapi's back as they make their way through the corridors to the car park.  _Do I?  Do I, do we – really know better?_  
  
*  
  
Ryo whispers it into Shige's hair one night as they lie twisted amidst the sheets, their hands curled around each other's.  He hears Shige's sleepy answer before Shige actually registers their exchange, and then Shige is jerking upright, pulling away from Ryo's embrace in startled surprise.  _D-did I just hear you say what you just said?_  
  
Ryo keeps one hand on Shige's thigh, letting the warmth emanating from Shige ground and calm him.  _Is that so difficult to believe?_   His voice and gaze are steady as he looks up at Shige.  _Don't you also feel the same way?  
_  
 _Yes, but-- I mean, I thought... it's just that--_ Ryo lets Shige dither about in that adorably flustered way of his a few seconds more, then wraps an arm around Shige's waist and draws him in close, where Shige finally settles down, his ear against Ryo's chest.  _You just said it out of the blue, I really didn't expect that._   Shige's quiet murmur devolves into a sudden snicker.  _And you were nervous too, weren't you?  I can tell from your heartbeat._  
  
 _Shut up, Shigeaki._   Ryo tugs at Shige's hair, which produces a pout on Shige's lips that just demands to be kissed away, so Ryo pulls Shige up and does just that.  
  
In the days and weeks that follow, Ryo realises he's been expecting something to change after that night.  How and what, he isn't sure, but he's pretty certain it's not this – Tegoshi glomping onto Shige's back and during the break in their photoshoot, ninja'ing in on Koyama's enthusiastic plan for a trip to Okinawa with Shige, Shige going along with them as usual, as if the things that have passed between the two of them, the instants of Ryo and Shige, are something separate and not of this world.    
  
It is the one time somewhere along these ten clandestine months when Ryo thinks that maybe he can and should give up this whole affair.  He is Nishikido Ryo, and he won't accept anything but number one in anyone's affections.  In love, as in all other things, he hates to lose.  
  
He tells Shige this one evening, just before he has to be in Osaka for two weeks, and steels himself to stay away, fingers digging into his palms, as he forces himself to look at the tears trailing down Shige's cheeks, the desolate expression on Shige's face, the fear haunting those large brown eyes.  He doesn't stop Shige from leaving, for once.  
  
He manages to hold out for a week, throwing himself into work and reunions with old friends, so that he falls into bed each night from hectic exhaustion, too tired to even think of Shige.  Until one night, when his phone starts ringing at four a.m., and he's reached for it so quickly it feels like a reflex.  He doesn't say anything, and neither does Shige, at first – all Ryo hears is Shige's dry, heaving breaths, like he's desperately trying not to cry, and it's been minutes, minutes in which Ryo realises he's savouring their connection, even if it has to be like this, and then Shige's _gomen, Ryo_ in a broken little voice, and Ryo finally understands that in the face of love, he's willing even to let go of his pride.  
  
*  
  
Ryo enters the dressing room one morning to see Shige sprawled out on the couch, an arm over his eyes, sleeping the sleep of the exhausted.  He hasn't seen Shige for four days, drama filming and impending exams keeping them apart.  The brief phone calls and messages haven't assuaged any of his longing, only intensifying it further.  
  
Which is probably why he does what he, mindful of Shige's reactions, would normally never do, crouching down to gaze at the pale cheeks and the gentle rise and fall of Shige's chest as he slumbers on.  Shige shivers in the thin shirt that he's wearing and tries to curl in on himself, turning towards Ryo as if he can sense Ryo's warm presence, even in his sleep.  
  
Ryo shrugs out of his own jacket and places it over Shige's shoulders, tucking in Shige's hands underneath.  The movements disturb Shige, and he stirs restlessly, raising his jacket-covered hands to his face and burying his nose into the Ryo-scented fabric.  Sleepily, he blinks up at Ryo who is drinking in the sight, and they gravitate towards each other, as natural as breath.  
  
Suddenly there is a clatter at the doorway and a gasp, and they part to see Koyama standing there, eyes wide in shock.  Shige pulls away instantly and Ryo feels a tightening in his gut.  There's a storm cloud brewing in Koyama's expression and Shige looks scared and even paler than he did before.  
  
 _So it's him?_ That's _who you've been seeing all along?_   Beside him, Ryo senses Shige flinching slightly at Koyama's uncharacteristically harsh tone.  _You made me think it was someone I didn't even know, when the two of you have been-- all along, right under our noses!_ Koyama steps closer and Ryo stops himself before he moves in between the two of them, his body wanting to protect Shige even though he knows Shige deserves this, this fallout created from his own fear and hesitation.  
  
 _Why, Shige, why didn't you tell me?  I thought we had no secrets._   Koyama is out of the dressing room before anyone can say anything else.  
  
Shige remains perfectly still and silent, hands fisted tightly in Ryo's jacket, but as Ryo reaches out a hand to him, he shrinks away abruptly.  
  
Ryo lets his hand fall, feeling something in him breaking.  _Are you going to ask me for more time again, Shige?  Because, truly, I don't think I have any more to give._  
  
*  
  
There's a pale orange tint tinging the distant horizon when Koyama comes up and sits beside him.  The space between them is littered with the butts of Ryo's cigarettes.  Ryo thinks this should feel more awkward, but right now he's more numb than anything.  
 _  
You know I'm not really angry at you, right?_   As usual, it's Koyama who breaks the silence first.  _It's not to say it didn't sting, to see the two of you like that, but it hurt more that Shige would keep it from me for so long._  
  
Ryo taps out another stick from the half-empty pack.  _He was afraid--  
_  
 _Shige's supposed to be a prodigy and all but sometimes he's so incredibly stupid, ne, Ryo-chan._   Koyama takes the box from Ryo and lights up a cigarette of his own.  _He's thinks too much, and his genius logic always takes him to some 'logical' conclusion he thinks is the ultimate answer and he can't see things any other way and then he worries about what he's thinking, so much so that sometimes he loses faith._  
  
Ryo remains silent.  
  
 _Do you have enough faith for the both of you, Ryo?  Faith enough to see the two of you through until Shige lets himself truly be who he is?_   It occurs to Ryo that Koyama sees Shige more clearly than Shige ever saw Koyama.  
  
Ryo lets out a shaky breath.  _I don't--_  
  
 _Don't hurt him, Ryo.  Please._   Koyama grasps his arm suddenly, and Ryo looks up at Koyama's utterly serious expression.  _Because I will make your life miserable if you do._  
  
Ryo wants to tell Koyama _who do you think you're talking to of course I won't hurt him I never could_ but now the words can't leave his mouth.  
  
Koyama stops talking after that.  A few minutes later, he grounds out his cigarette and leaves Ryo by himself again.  
  
*  
  
They have a morning five days before this, when everything was still shining and golden, and Shige is gleefully painting Ryo's nails a dark metallic silver because Ryo lost some bet they made while drunk the night before.  The curtains in Ryo's apartment are drawn back and the sunlight pours through, illuminating Shige's features, the way his eyes narrow slightly as he concentrates on drawing the brush down smoothly along Ryo's nail, how his brow furrows slightly as the paint leaks out over the cuticle, the pink flash of his tongue sticking out as he tries to dab it away.  
  
He's completely engrossed in his task, so he's totally unprepared when Ryo grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him nearer, suddenly impatient for the taste of Shige in his mouth and the feel of Shige's body solidly against his own.  Shige's protesting because the nail polish jar has spilled over in Ryo's haste, leaving a spreading silver stain on the now-ruined rug, and the two fingers he's painstakingly done are now irreparably smudged.  
  
Ryo doesn't really care, because he has Shige in his arms, warm, quirky and real, no one but Ryo reflected within his eyes, and they have the whole day, their whole lives, stretching out ahead of them.  
  
*  
  
Ryo's down to his last cigarette, and the sky has switched places on him, neon stars lighting up from below as the city bustles on into the night.  The temperature has dropped since the sun set and he feels unbearably cold, frozen against the railings like he will never be able to get up again.  
  
He hears the clank of the door leading to the rooftop as it opens and quiet footfalls he would recognise anywhere approaches him.  Hope rises in him unbidden even though he doesn't turn around or move.  
  
His jacket wraps around him, followed by Shige's fingers brushing the back of his neck and he shivers despite himself.  Shige settles down behind him, facing sideways, his body heat radiating across the one-inch gap he's left between them and unconsciously, Ryo leans back, until he feels Shige's bony shoulder digging into his back.  
  
 _There was this girl that liked me once, long ago._   Shige's voice is soft and Ryo has to strain to hear him.  _She was pretty, outspoken, confident, everything a popular girl should be, and for whatever reason, she decided that she liked me.  On Valentine's Day, instead of chocolates, she gave me this beautiful, sparkling keychain, because she knew I didn't like sweet things._ Shige's head drops against Ryo's shoulder and Ryo feels the soft hair tickling the nape of his neck.  _But on White Day, I didn't do anything.  It felt too incredible, too wonderful to believe, that someone like her would be interested in someone like me.  I avoided her, I ran away._  
  
The silence between them is punctuated only by the wind roaring in their ears and the distant engines from passing cars far below.  
  
 _I've been running for a long time, far too long, and I didn't really know how to stop.  I--_ Shige shifts slightly against Ryo and Ryo holds his breath, heart pounding inexplicably.  _I don't know whether I deserve another chance from you, but when you walked out the door earlier, I... I realised something._  
  
 _I have to stop._   Ryo feels Shige's hand creep under the cover of his jacket to touch his elbow, as if he is anchoring himself.  _I want to stop.  
  
This is where I want to stop, Nishikido Ryo.  
  
Right here, next to you._  
  
Ryo closes his eyes and breathes in deep, and when he opens them again, he thinks he can almost see the real stars twinkling faintly up there in the pitch-black sky.  He turns around, grasps Shige's trembling hand before Shige can pull it away, resting his forehead against Shige's.  
  
 _I've tried to let you go before, Kato Shigeaki, but I won't ever again, not after what you've just said.  That's your fair warning._  
  
Shige just smiles and squeezes Ryo's cold hand tighter.


End file.
